| NEW JOURNAL |
[Aug. 18th, 2006|02:48 am] |
HELENARED is my new LJ
find me, leave a msg on my first post and i'll add you to my friends list. She is going to be friends only folks
RIP Haetherical, Feb 2005-Aug 2006 |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 13th, 2006|09:58 pm] |
WHAT is the point of friends only when either
a)one of your friends is a rat and rats you out to people that should not see your posts between you and your PRIVATE group of friends or
b) someone hacks your account and reads everything you write like some sick fascination?
This account is DEAD if you are a close personal friend, you will recieve a new account name shortly which you cannot give out
I know all you people that aren't into LJ and love reading the crazy stuff i write will be disappointed (Sowwy Julie)
But I refuse to be spied upon! I won't have it |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 8th, 2006|12:18 am] |
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A present for Kandise!
I <3 my broom... AKA the stick i poke my pictures with
if no man will have me, at least I have my broom!!!
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 2nd, 2006|02:07 am] |
DAMNIT
I always get excited about things and then they get yanked from me like a tooth tied to a front door when you're 7 years old
So Fireworks went well.... muhaha umm... get my stitches out tomorrow.. Can't wait. I keep almost touching them... damn it feels so nice to not feel a nasty nubby thing in my mouth when i push my tongue out.
So last night Amanda and I played tennis which was gooooood cause I need to start workin out again.... so then tonight Ryan called and asked to exercise with me as well... yeah exercising with a guy is much harder cause keeping up is tough.... So tomorrow i will be really really tired... but it's good! i need to lose more weight.
I know i said I wouldn't hang out with ryan anymore, buuut it was alright.... really tame which is good... although the reason for wanting to stop hanging out is really not holding much weight right now... i dunno... who knows. I hate this state of not knowing. What I hate more is getting so excited about something and then suddenly feeling like I've been dropped like a ton of bricks. I really don't know what to do but try not to think about it and let things come as they go.
I saw Dr. Singh Today. He had another student. Next time I see him (yeah i gotta see him again... actually, probably about 4 or 5 more times until they freeze and burn me) he better not have a student... it's awkward having someone who isn't experienced putting plastic things inside of my neither regions and touching my special place... Also, with a student it feels like they're talking ABOUT me, not to me. So another pap, another 5-6 months, another pap, another date with vinegar which STINGS and another apt.. i assume
Soooo the dr moved to one side during my appointment and all of the sudden, my foot feels nice and cushy, like i'm walking on grass... oh no! my foot was in the styrup, IN HIS BEARD! AAAH OMG! MY FOOT WAS IN AN INDIAN MAN'S BEARD I told my mother and she laughed a lot on the
phone. ... he was wearing a turban too...
The bus was a loooooooong long ride and i'm pretty sure some dirty guy was taking pictures of me... but i mean... i looked really good...
There's thunder and lightning outside now. Just lost power for a second... I think it's time to go to bed... by my sweet self. le sigh |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 29th, 2006|03:32 am] |
So Today was pretty interesting.
Chrsity was a dear and took me to surgery. It was quick and not too painful, just a little needle to numb the area and then some slits and pulls... it was gross. The thing was bigger than it looked from the outside... but i obviously felt that enough that I came forward and was like 'ummm green spot' he showed it to me and it was like deflated and the size of a kidney bean.. grosssss.... But it's gone now. I have stitches and an ugly spot , but when it heals it will feel sooooooooooo much better and look symetrical.
So after surgery I was sitting outside the hospital waiting for the bus when a woman comes up and starts asking people what time the bus comes and stuff and then says she's from yarmouth. I say 'I'm from yarmouth too' and she asks me my name and then says 'I was a brownie leader with your mother! oh little heather!! I didn't recognize you . you used to be fair haired. the whites were always so fair haired' and I was like 'yeah... i dye it dark on purpose' And it sprung into an hour of conversation waiting for the bus and on the bus to new minas. We had a talk about people from home, most of them i didn't know, my family, her divorces, her family and her grandkids, the time she broke all her fingers, my relationships ?? female independence and Yarmouth in general. I was surprised by my discussion skills.
So finally I met up with Amanda and we SHOPPED Got myself a new shirt and Amanda got a second set of holes in her eeeeeeeearrrs!! So we were in claire's when everything went kinda wrong. I don't know if it was watching ears being pierced, not eating for over 24 hours, being out so late with my friend Danny, waking up so early for surgery, stress, the surgery or a combination of all of those, but i started getting woosy. I tried to ignore it and hope it would pass until we got out of there, but somewhere about the end of the second earing, I tried to quietly excuse myself as to not make a scene and was like 'I'm just gonna go sit on a bench out there I'm feeling a little faint' then as i started walkng out of the store I went blind! I just saw a huge blur and had no idea where I was pointed. I had to call out to amanda and be like 'amanda? I can't see!' so she led me to the peircing chair and went to get me water BECAUSE SHE'S AWESOMMMME
So I sweat and talked to the claire's attendant for a minute and then drank water and went for food hah
The rest of the afternoon was awesome with some more shoppage and a nice relaxing sit down at my place. I redyed my hair... just stouched up the black, and i cleaned the apartment hard core. Lysol and vim and crazy skills
So fireworks later on this weekend... dunno how that will go down. right now i need some rest so i'm not dead at work in a few hours.... oh and purple face bandaids really are cook mkay?? |
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| There isn't a chance... you don't deserve it... just admit what you tossed |
[Jul. 28th, 2006|01:24 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
Just got some awkward news from amanda about some awkward past stuff... wow It's hard to get past it... but you know what, deep down I don't care because I had an amazing night and nothing is going to take that from me
...soooo excited
tomorrow I need to buy some dora the explorer band-aids or something for my face cuz... oh yeah surrrgery tomorroww... unless I call up and they're like 'oh yeah... we changed your date to 4 months ahead
I've lasted almost a month without correspondence damnit.. why am i traaaaaapped
I'm such a giddy little girl... gush |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 26th, 2006|05:02 pm] |
Sooo Saturday was uneventful... i passed out at 7 PM! haha... sunday likewise was kinda boring.. buuut monday was great. I went out and met soneone and it was teh cool and now i have another meeting this evening to watch a movie:O
Yesterday Amanda and I satisfied our shopping bugs by going to New minas!! we tried on many clother. I found nothing worth buying in the clothing department. We moved to Claires where... I GOT MY EARS PIERCED!! yes... that's right, 22 years old and I finally became a 13 year old girl. I think I look like a pirate, but hopefully once i can take the studs out I can find a more suited pair of earings... like a latino hoop hahahaha
Someone burned me today at work grrr.... right over my old burn so now i look like a mess on my left arm... the things I do for cash
Oh yeah and if you have a feminine problem, maybe you should see a female doctor.. i learned this the other night! |
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| I'm a lady but i dance like a ho! |
[Jul. 22nd, 2006|04:08 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
So far this weekend is adding up to crap on a stick.
Worked today and was so tired I came home and slept. It was TERRIBLE RAIN like seriously ran from joes to subway and back and my pants were soaked to the bone... so I was going to phone a cab, but then I was like, no yknow what i'm already wet... whatever... fate usually works out anyway... and then it did and the billy bob's delivery guy gave me a ride home!!1 wtf! i was walking by and he pulled up in an SUV and gave me a ride to my door. he knew where I lived last year too... strange since i like NEVER ordered from billy bob's! He was also giving the old man with the cane a ride home. you know the guy. the old man who always walks down highland with a cane... it was like a land for misfit toy's ride home... haha
so last night was pretty hot. Amanda and I checked out the vil for the 4th time in 8 days... yeah... alcoholics? no just bored in wolfville! There's nothing to do but drink! and with nights light 'dollar shots' and 'beat the clock' how can we not spend our tip money/spare change on beer and cheap rum and coke?
I think like half the staff from work was there and they all stopped and said hey, or I had to signal them and have them be like 'omg you don't look like you do at all at work' which I take as a compliment as I look like nastiness at work. Some black guy gave me this 'damn girl' look and grabbed my waist as he was walking by... scary because he was wearing a do rag and that whole shirt not on one arm thing .... hard to explain... then on the walk home after subway, a car full of guys honked at me a couple times and gestured and then some other guys in a van went 'woooooooooooh!!' so moral of the story is don't wear a mini skirt and heels on main street if you want to be inconspicuous
So I've had a fruit fly problem.. eheheeww sooo many.. so i put up two traps.. one trap has 40 in it from just today
the other one i just put up an hour ago and it has like 4 in there... it's really working though, there are very few in the air, like one or two that i can see... it was gross yesterday though.. i killed about 30 with a newspaper then i gave up and left a trap out... I super cleaned the place too which is helping out.
Dad and uncle russell came up today. they had some joe's fries and dropped me off some broccoli from dad's garden OMG SO MUCH MORE SUPERIOR TO SUCKY WOLFVILLE SAVEEASY QUALITY
some things from home like pop (which i have been cutting out of my diet to one glass every few days for free from work and not buying it ever, from needing one bottle a day to function) only it's that no calorie no sugar pepsi.... and some water, i cut out juice too, i'm only drinking the flavoured water which is 10 calories a bottle... they ga'mme some of that:P and some diet ice tea and some CANS OF KIPPERS? more tomato soup.. which I hate.. my parents KNOW this i hate tomato soup, never liked it, always been a chicken noodle and chowder fan, but i have 6 cans from all their trips... i guess they assume i'll cook with it, which i would.. if i was cooking! they think i'm gonna whip together caserole or a pot of chilli for myself all summer? I don't even have the freezer space right now to say like make up a big thing of lasagna and eat it when i want a piece over a few weeks... but you know what it's good.. it doesn't lead to any tv dinnerisms.. or any pre-made foods
sooo anyway.. i kinda wanna spend my day off tomorrow doing bad things but it all depends on what time i wake up and on what the weather is like.. i had this strange impulse to pierce my nose today... and another one to pierce my ears... but i doubt that woudl happen... if i wnet to new minas i would probably just blow that money for that kinda stuff on some new clothes cause i've turned into a total clothin junkie now that i fit things... i really didnt' see where i lost any weight until i looked at pictures of me in the fall and was like 'why didn't anyone tell me i was that fat!?!'
AAAAAH THE HORNY CAT IS MEWING OUTSIDE MY WINDOW... IT FREAKS ME OUUUT seriously his meow scares the pants off me |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 20th, 2006|03:03 am] |
ell I've been bleeding well from this old wound,
Cleaning it with salt, so it will still feel new.
And sometimes eyes turn black, and sometimes scars are tracks.
But every time you're gone,
I wish that you'd come back.
And everyone watched me waste myself,
and everyone cheered at last.
And all of them found it comforting.
It's better it's me, than them.
I think I'm doing well from what they say,
They've taken both my belt
And shoelaces away.
Well I believe in luck...
I think I do.
Well I'd believe for sure,
If ever I saw you.
Well I've been fanning flames from these old coals.
Feeding them with tinder, and hoping they will grow.
Well I've been savoring what I can't hold.
A blind belief in goodness
That doesn't seem to show.
Well I've been bleeding well from this old wound.
Cleaning it with salt, so it will still feel new.
,.. pretty song:) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 19th, 2006|03:40 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Wicked game- Chris Isaak | ] |
WHOAH has it really been that long since a real update??
Well... Lets cover some of the interesting things then... Friday I attacked the black wall with bleach and well, it was disgusting, but ever since then i haven't had any coughing attacks. I'm still stuffed up and I have a cough, but it isn't crazy coughing to the point where I throw up crystal light all over my shoulder in bed... PINK crystal light... oooh
So Friday I strapped on some ankle weights after my battle with the mold and went for a run up by the resevoir which is a pretty place. Friday night I went out with Ryan and his buddy from Sackville and we partied it up at WEST SIDE CHARLIES!! .... um... no transvestite this time:( It was a cool evening I don't remember much about since I drank a LOOOOT of rum. Basically I woke up the next morning in Ryan's bed by myself, went out to the livingroom, found two guys passed out on the floor and was like wtf went on here? and then went back and passed out for like 4 more hours of sleep...
Saturday night was pretty awesome. Kandise came dooooowwwn!! and of course I worked:( So work let me out at like 9:50 so i booked it home and booked it down the hill to drink with the gals... of course we missed dollar shots but we still hung out and enjoyed the axe for a while... but it really wasn't happening.. the music sucked and all the people were just sitting and drinking... sooo amanda said LIKE A TRUE TOWNIE WHICH WE TOTALLY ARE NOW OMG 'This sucks... lets go to the vil' Are those words you'd ever expect to come from girls of our caliber? nnnoo.. but yeah we've discovered this summer that the vil is vastly superior to the axe.... IN the summer... whole other story in the fall...
So we all looked fabulous and of course the gay guys were all over our hotness. We ended up at the vil where we had the bar to ourselves for a while with better music. it picked up a little by closing time, but we got to dance and have some wild homos all up ons us. After that we had billy bobs... omg first donair in like 4, 5 months... it was... orgasmal.. but now i will pay for it haha.. i've been staying away because I know how bad they are for you now that i know all the ingredients from scratch... including the sauce... so yeah.... scary....
So after hanging out at billy bobs, I headed home to talk to my interest in Alberta for a while.... and after a while I started to realize he was a Jesus freak... so I don't compete for penis with Jesus cause he usually wins cause he's awesome at the love making... so yeah it was a nice pipe dream while it lasted:P
Sunday I worked in the AM, had an employee try to scam me into working the evening but I was just like 'nope BBQ!!!' annnd went to amanda's for a super fabulous BBq and badminton and smoothie runs! it was great... really hot, but good. we got honked at, stared at and whistled at and I saw some cute dogs like a huge adorable newfoundlander rolling in grass.
Mom called and was a little sad when I said I couldn't come home this week because I only had one day off... man come home once and she wants me back there... I guess it's lonely down there, and they are going through a tough time and want another member of the family to help figure out what to do with dad's situation.... another SANE member as right now they have a crazy old lady, an alcoholic uncle and a dyslexic son. I told her how much dad could be making in fort mcmurray and they were all like ooouuuu... but who knows.
I got my grad photos!! finally... all 8 of them.. it's enough to keep my mom quiet... now i'm gonna be in the vanguard next week uuughghg... at least I look hot in the picture.
So today I had off and Sabrina came up!! we hung out up here at the apartments for a while. We talked to jim, I talked about the apartment. he says that the bedroom that's available is really small, but only 375 for eeeeverything... so I have to see the place before I make up my mind. he said I'd be taking on the lease with him and told me the names of the people living there in case I knew them (i knew one of them)
So theeeen, Sabrina, Amanda and I went for supper at smitty's!!! It was nice. I feel a little guilty.. I did get a pretty healthy choice with vegetables, rice and a chicken breast, then I followed it up with unhealthy CHEESECAKE OMG and we learned it is not up to par with Joe's cheesecake.... but it was still a good meal.. an expensive meal I could have gotten for 5 bucks at joe's with my discounts buuut meh whatevs it was still pretty awesome:P
it was sooooooo hot today I sweat all over the place. We went looking around the pet store and the games store (saw the cuuuutest little wiener dogs and had amanda and sabrina go on snake patrol to make sure I wouldn't turn a corner and come face to face with a constrictor.... yes i'm THAT bad about this fear... good luck getting me to snakes on a plane) Then we all came back here and I had a siesta!!
after my nap, Amanda and I did the only sensible thing and went to the vil for the third time in 5 days! it was beat the clock and we beat the clock damnit... and ran into a bunch of people we knew! I ran into my manager in the kitchen who was drunk and said i was a good worker and that he didn't care about me showing up at a weird time tomorrow cause I always show up and I work hard ... Soooo i guess I'm going in at 9 and hoping i'm actually in at 9... if not, i'll get an extra hour of work. Paul from work came and gossiped for a while and then like the young liberals group randomly like circled us and we were suddenly at a full table
twas cool. Now I'm feeling a little chubby.. I stepped on the scale the other day and it said 148... first time under 150 since I hit puberty... I just don't trust it because some of it is water weight because it is sooooooo hot here, and that was after a day of sweating out a gallon at work since it's like 40 degrees here with the humidity now!!
I'm watching Christy's apartment until she gets back from Newfoundland. Her place is nice and cool but i'm just popping in every 2 days to make sure her hamster isn't dead... and to put him in a ball and let him have a lap around the livingroom.
Weeel, tis time for bed... waaay past time for bed. I just hope I can get up for work in a few hours. Dad is coming by on friday and bringing me canned kipper snacks... cause they bought them in bulk... my parents are so weird.
Oh yeah and I'm thinking about getting my nose pierced but i don't know if i could make it look hot and if i wuld be able to keep it going since I have a bad history with delicate things
I also want dermabrasion for my damn stretchmarks but there's always that cream the lady pimps on tv... or I could just wear hot clothes that still cover my former gut area |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 14th, 2006|07:03 pm] |
Omg... i can't believe i'm actually thinking about something like this and putting some serious thought into it!
did you know starting teacher salary in fort mcmurray is 55000 a year?... for ppl with 6 years school that is
So yeah... my dad definitely lost his job.... whether he gets fired or demoted, we;ll have to wait until august to find out... thinkin he might sue the board if he doesn't die of stress... and my mom filed a grievance today because she was removed with no real just cause due to spousal assosications and was put into a sucky school in a lesser up position.. so she wither wants in the new board office when it comes up, or some sort of change around as she did just drop from a head 1 position to... sucktastic level
oh and she also looked at applying to register.com.... yeah my family is going through a tough time
oh and my dad might put in applications to nunavut and alberta or somewhere else with some sort of isolation.... it's THAT Bad
on the up side i look very pretty today |
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| Think of the tender things we had been working on... |
[Jul. 11th, 2006|03:10 pm] |
So much time, so little to do... STRIKE THAT, reverse it... damn having to walk down the hill 15 minutes whenever I forget an errand... oh well it's exercise...
coughed all night and puked all over myself 2 nights ago, apparently my antibiotics didn't work and something in this place is making me mad sick, like keep me up til 6:30 coughing sick... maybe it could be the black wall?
I got invited to a wedding as a guest:O I might actually go to this one but it means halifa and Ryan parents and questions and ...ew... questions...
I'm addicted to punk covers of 'don't you forget about me'
So work like hates me and made me scrub walls in the basement today.. gross... grrrosssss... I went home all sweaty with black scum on my bum... so now i take a hot shower and go back downtown all sexy to do errands
It's strange how you can break so far apart from someone when you live only a few blocks away in a town with about 3000 people in it with very few main streets... and scary what you think when you do eventually collide...
I kinda wanna make lasagna but i cut out pastas... so i'll make up for it with something better... but for now.. shower |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 6th, 2006|02:12 am] |
I NEEDED THIS SO MUCH!!
full update later on, i have lots of family stories already.
Tomorrow I'm being forced to see our new south african dr as i have a terrible cough (and now that i'm on athsma meds he might actually prescribe antibiotics as usually he just says liquids and rest according to mom)
Frenchy's tomorrow
I'M 151 LBS! SUCK ON THAT VENGEFUL SWEET SUCCESS! about 15 left to go give or take
I haven't seen 151 in years... years and years... I look hot and my dad has already tried to force liquor on me twice since i've come home...
cough cough cough bed time |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 5th, 2006|03:09 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
So it's been a great situation turned into an OMG AWESOME SITUATION in the past 12 hours
I took friday off for a dr's appt. i called today and apparently it is cancelled... so I had friday off and also thursday and wednesday night, sooo I of course thought .... I could go home.... home damnit, home!! which is what i've wanted to do all week with hearing about middy and with how sick i've been.
The one downside to all this is that I don't get ot hang with ryan this week and I don't get to crash at his place thursday night... but whatev, life is short and an opportunity is an opportunity.
I called home, knowing mom wouldn't be there cause she was at work. What i got was the crazy old lady who started telling me a story that went nowhere about the dogs, then she told dad i was on the phone and he called me back... told him i had a few days off, and kept talking, waiting for him to catch onto the idea that i wanted to come home. I said 'yeah... 3 days to... sit around and do nothing up here... yep' then finally 2 minutes later
'you could almost come home. do you want to do that?' so of course i said yes! So dad is coming for me tomorrow after work... of course he will think it is entirely his idea.
So my 'weekend' plans include
planning an impromptu Bachelorette party for my friend who is getting married on saturday
getting loaded
getting to know a person that i used to know and fell out of it with
hanging out with andrew
going to FRENCHY'S
going to greco and visiting my peeps and telling them all how much i miss em and their laid back attitude towards work and their MEASURING CUPS
strutting around downtown and in the mall with mom on grocery day with my uber sexy new look
sleeping in my own bed
hanging out with midnight, taking her on walks, cuddling up with her, getting in some one on one time with her so i can talk to her about my broken heart.... shut up you know you talk to your dog too... or your cat...dogs are the best listeners ever... and even though they don't say much, they always seem to know the right answers to your problems. too bad dogs live 1/7th the live of a human... they make such great companions. Why do I always give away pieces of my heart to things that die or leave me?
Oh yeah and work now things i'm bisexual.... ok not really but I said 'I go both ways' when talking about working days and nights because the staff tonight was like 'Heather is nights at heart. she started out here' and I tried to stay impartial because so far everyone at work likes me then i said that and one of them said 'well... no wonder wanda speaks so highly of you' wanda being the lesbian.... Man I am not safe at work |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 4th, 2006|03:30 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bitter | ] |
Maybe I want to get my nose pierced?
Just found this song and had a moment
Dilate
life used to be life-like
now it's more like show biz
i wake up in the night
and i don't know where the bathroom is
and i don't know what town i'm in
or what sky i am under
and i wake up in the darkness and i
don't have the will anymore to wonder
everyone has a skeleton
and a closet to keep it in
and you're mine
every song has a you
a you that the singer sings to
and you're it this time
baby, you're it this time
when i need to wipe my face
i use the back of my hand
and i like to take up space
just because i can
and i use my dress
to wipe up my drink
i care less and less
what people think
and you are so lame
you always disappoint me
it's kinda like our running joke
but it's really not funny
i just want you to live up to
the image of you i create
i see you and i'm so unsatisfied
i see you and i dilate
so i'll walk the plank and i'll jump with a smile
if i'm gonna go down
i'm gonna do it with style
and you won't see me surrender
you won't hear me confess
'cuz you've left me with nothing
but i've worked with less
and i learn every room long enough
to make it to the door
and then i hear it click shut behind me
and every key works differently
i forget every time
and the forgetting defines me
that's what defines me
when i say you sucked my brain out
the english translation
is i am in love with you
and it is no fun
but i don't use words like love
'cuz words like that don't matter
but don't look so offended
you know, you should be flattered
i wake up in the night
in some big hotel bed
my hands grope for the light
my hands grope for my head
the world is my oyster
the road is my home
and i know that i'm better
off alone |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 4th, 2006|01:08 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sore | ] |
So tonight at work we discussed the job of the 'fluffer'... basically the girl who warms up the porn star between takes so they don't go limp... Sounds like an easy job haha
I worked nights tonight and tomorrow too... ugh I forgot how draining nights are... and how much of a retard I look like in front of the boys\
They started talking about the fall and their plans for shits to alleviate some of the tension... I went in tonight and they said 'days, go on salads' because night and day staff don't get along, and I'm both so it's awkward working nights and having people joke about daytime. Next year they want to set it up so that one week day staff is at night and nights are on days... and they want all wait staff to do one shift in the kitchen.... which would make life a lot better since they would know how freakin long things take and not be so damn stupid with their questions
I have an appt with Dr. singh on Friday, so Ryan is letting me stay at his place thursday night... although it means i have to help him move his bed ... oooh night in kentville... scary
8 minute abs = 8 minute ouuucchh... my abs still hurt today and when i was coughing (because i'm ill) it hurt... damn my immune system and it's non existence... I only have a few days of singulair left so i guess i gotta get that prescription filled.... maybe when i'm in kentville:P orr... maybei'll skip the wait and go to the wolfville clinic
I ran into my pal nick tonight walking home and hwe had a nice discussion about stuff. He looked at me and the first thing out of his mouth was 'holy shit you lost a lot of weight'
like omg was I a whale? haha but whatever.... 8 minute abs again tonight.... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 3rd, 2006|03:15 am] |
Staying positive is so tough. Missing people sucks... I just.... i dunno what if's and maybe's make the world go around... I guess it's just hard to not have someone there who was your backup and always there every day for the past year
So I'm sick... Great time to be sick, the week that my boss isn't giving out days off
My throat is sore and tonight after going to the gym, i laid down for a minute and woke up 5 hours later at 2:30 to some documentary about the white power movement in the states on A&E... fascinating...they actually had me buying their package for like a few minutes and i was like 'yeah! i should get all up in that' then I remembered that white power groups kinda frown on half breeds... and plus racists are not sexy
I'm really excited about tomorrow.. I work at 5 (boo) but Ryan will finally be back from the island... I've been pretty lonely the last few days
So it's 4AM and my throat is killing. I wonder if i am allergic to something I came into contact with or if my body is just too tired to fight against infections....
I don't work until 5 tomorrow so I have tomorrow to do whatever... meaning I have tomorrow to lay around and try to get better... I mean lord I had to beg for a morning off to go to the DR!
I just hope my dr's appointment doesn't land me with more bad news. I can't handle much more bad news |
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[Jul. 2nd, 2006|04:11 pm] |
Please excuse my drunken post last night... I was way loaded and sad
I feel like that commercial with the pirate papers telling the guy with his car keys he's way too high to drive
'way too high' |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 29th, 2006|04:17 am] |
The valley is a strange place at night... I went out tonight to do some laundry and it's just so... still. At home at night it's cool and the air is sweet and it's a little damp, the stars are all out and there are crickets going.... here... the air just sort of hangs around you, clings to you like a wet blanket... it's a strange feeling
I feel like a bit of a bad person for something I did tonight, but at the same time, I realized... I don't have to answer to anyone anymore... well except mom and that's only about
1)money
2).... money cause my parents don't care what I do
I just have to get out of that place where I feel like I have to confess all of my sins to a guy in a white hat
I did laundry tonight and then TADA both dryers are broken... so i've set up a system of extension cords turned into clotheslines and rigged my fan up to blow them dry.... holy ghetto... speaking of ghetto I CLEANED THE APARTMENT TODAY OMG! did you know... that bathtubs are white???
The place was clean when I moved in... but that was a month ago and I hadn't really cleaned since then... I had tidied things, swept here and there, but I hadn't given the tub a good scrubbing... and in the summer my feet are well... sandal feet... the bathroom is spotless. I scrubbed the floor on hand and knee with disinfectant... it looked awesome!... until I hung all these clothes everywhere
The window screen has a hole in it so i keep finding creepy crawlies if i open it... won't do it again!/// need my bottle of raid back from christy... today I found an ant, 3 HUGE SPIDERS 3 earwigs... something i'm not quite sure of, and a partridge... in a pear tree
So yesterday I went for a little more 'urban' style of hair ... i think it worked pretty well... it was pretty hot actually if i do say so myself
You know, summer relationships are kind of like the easter bunny, santa clause and divine intervention.... they don't exist... and if they do exist, their effects don't last and they don't stick around for long. Not that i'm in any summer relationships, but it's just an observation...
truly proving that I am beautiful on the inside and outside... even covered with fish batter... I'm a beautiful person... |
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| Every night the fear and darkness, lay down with us |
[Jun. 27th, 2006|03:12 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  envious | ] |
Things bought in New minas
Badminton raquet & birdies for a buck WTF
jumprope... that turned out to be a double dutch rope... ah well... amanda has one too and i love double dutch
this new hair leave in conditioner that is supposed to be 'awesome'
Hair dye... jet black of course... for later on in july (4 bucks and came with a small bottle of colour treated hair conditioner from proV ...had to buy it now for that price!!)
a belt... my first one ever
a bandana so I don't have to wear my hat to work
oats and veggies
and some other odds and ends
Amanda and I made some AWESOME BBQ food tonight. I was quite impressed. Honey mustard chicken skewers with Cucumbers, muchrooms and grape tomatoes.... we are like awesome because they were good and good for us. save for the marinade it was like 100% healthy... well and the strawberry daquiries that Amanda made... but those are necessary. We rock and we even turned Ryan, a skeptic, into a believer in our awesome abilities for tastiness in our food... now if only we could light the BBQ in less than half an hour! but i guess charcoal does make it taste better
So i stepped on a scale tonight at Christy's and prepared myself for baaad news.... well... it isn't bad... it's decent news. I've maintained. I'm still 154 which is good! i've been eating and napping in the afternoons out of exhaustion instead of going out. i only started working out and eating healthy like 4 days ago which means that I have been able to keep where I was while being lazy and sort of eating.... and also i don't trust scales right now. i need to get a BMI done cause I'm turning into a muscular powerhouse...
Sooo you guys need to listen to this song if you can find it... there are a few mp3's of it out there cause it's a lil popular now. it's called half acre by HEM... it's soooo pretty... and the lyrics are pretty too. It's like my song of the day.... I have songs of the day now instead of week or month.... yeah my musical appetite is getting like that.... although this one may be a song of the month... the singer is just very... soothing... plus who can argue with a popular song that features a clarinet?
I think i write down all these lyrics for myself... i can't imagine you guys like going through them... but it's kinda theraputic for me just to paste em somewhere...reminds me when I look back at entries ... the different things i was thinking and how i felt... I guess we all have our therapy..... much like the retail therapy of the day...
I am holding half an acre
torn from the map of Michigan
and folded in this scrap of paper
is a land I grew in
Think of every town you've lived in
every room you lay your head
and what is it that you remember?
Do you carry every sadness with you
every hour your heart was broken
every night the fear and darkness
lay down with you
A man is walking on the highway
A woman stares out at the sea
and light is only now just breaking
So we carry every sadness with us
every hour our hearts were broken
every night the fear and darkness
lay down with us
But I am holding half an acre
torn from the map of Michigan
I am carrying this scrap of paper
that can crack the darkest sky wide open
every burden taken from me
every night my heart unfolding
my home
Another good one that keeps me thinkin protection by Massive attack... massive attack make me feel good....
This girl I know needs some shelter
She don't believe anyone can help her
She's doing so much harm, doing so much damage
But you don't want to get involved
You tell her she can manage
And you can't change the way she feels
But you could put your arms around her
I know you want to live yourself
But could you forgive yourself
If you left her just the way
You found her
I stand in front of you
I'll take the force of the blow
Protection
I stand in front of you
I'll take the force of the blow
Protection
You're a boy and i'm a girl
But you know you can lean on me
And I don't have no fear
I'll take on any man here
Who says that's not the way it should be
I stand in front of you
I'll take the force of the blow
Protection
I stand in front of you
I'll take the force of the blow
Protection
She's a girl and you're a boy
Sometimes you look so small, look so small
You've got a baby of your own
When your baby's gone, she'll be the one
To catch you when you fall
I stand in front of you
I'll take the force of the blow
Protection
I stand in front of you
I'll take the force of the blow
Protection
You're a girl and i'm a boy
Sometimes you look so small, need some shelter
Just runnin' round and round, helter skelter
And I've leaned on you for years
Now you can lean on me
And that's more than love, that's the way it should be
Now I can't change the way you feel
But I could put my arms around you
That's just part of the deal
That's the way I feel
I'll put my arms around you
I stand in front of you
I'll take the force of the blow
Protection
I stand in front of you
I'll take the force of the blow
Protection
You're a boy and i'm a girl
... I may be lonely, but I'm hot and lonely..... man need bed... work in 4 hours |
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